I have a lot of reasons for not posting lately - the biggest being that I like to focus my blogging on more positive energy and I haven't had a whole lot of that floating around lately. We have just had one difficult thing after another after another around here and I think that Satan is working extra hard on our family.
The hardest blow (of all the blows) for me has been Jeremy's new calling. I know it should be a happy thing, but I'm thinking it is possibly more a test of my faith than his. He got called to be the 2nd Counsellor in the Young Men's program and along with that comes the additional calling of assistant scout master. I truly believe that he will learn a lot and hope that he will grow greatly in this calling. On the other hand, I have never had a great testimony of the scouting program and it irritates the heck out of me that they require SO MUCH of a time commitment and expect the leaders to abandon their families for these boys.
Piled on top of that, Jeremy has been gone all this week on a business trip - and before that, he was so busy the past couple of months at work that it was practically like he wasn't here anyway. I am having a very hard time with this abandonment and have been left feeling very alone and disconnected.
We have always been a couple that does pretty much EVERYTHING together, and to suddenly be alone and know that it's going to be this way for a long time is very hard on me. I feel like a single parent and sometimes wonder if actually being single would be easier because you don't have the added expectation and hope that you will have extra help and someone to connect with.
I know that so many people go through this same thing and wonder if it is just as hard for them or if, for some reason, I'm the only one that can't seem to handle these kinds of things. I usually tell myself "this too shall pass" and kind of just move one, but this time my little phrase just isn't helping much. Hmph. I guess the only thing to do is to keep pressing forward and have hope that, uh, this too shall pass.
There have been other blows that I won't write about. Thankfully, for me, I feel like I have a decent understanding of the Lord's plan and that this life wasn't meant to be easy. That's why it's called a test. It is a test of our faith and our willingness to move forward even when it isn't easy. I just have to try to find the path that will give me a way to pick myself up and keep going. For my sake and the sake of my family, I just hope that I find that path sooner rather than later.